Liberty Walk

So, I guess more updating is in order.

I reiterate this....I'm so glad I'm returning to normal. I'm searching for a full time job, and it's slow going. However, that's okay....I'm keeping positive by knowing that someday, my efforts won't go on unnoticed and someone will take a chance on me.

Even though I've been extremely stressed, I have my sister and friends (Brianne, Britt, Michelle, Hannah, Sara and Angela) to bring me back to Earth. They keep me laughing and smiling...and I know as long as I have them, nothing can stand in my way.

Another notable person in my life is a quiet pinnacle. Someone who I had pushed aside several years ago way back when, but who has now become one of my best friends. His name?

Rami.

The nature of our relationship has been the weirdest friendship ever. We had met in 2003 in chorus. He was a freshman, and I a sophomore. Rami was (and still is) this adorable, fun-loving kid that used to irritate the hell out of our teacher. For years, I thought of him as my little brother....even though he's only 9 months younger.

So, we were talking one day. Apparently he and his girlfriend went through a nasty breakup around the same time I had. We talked each other through it for hours, and eventually developed a friendship out of it. We share jokes, and even toss around ideas of hanging out when he comes to visit next time.

Oh, yeah.....by the way.....Rami is in Minnesota.

And the next thing came as an absolute shock to me.

We were chatting one day, when out of the blue, he blurts out, "I really had a thing for you in high school."

To this day, this still stuns me. Here I was, sitting at my computer after this bomb has been dropped, and I couldn't think of anything real to say. I think I said, "Awww....." in response, but that got me thinking.

My ideals from back when I was in high school have changed. Back then, I would never consider a guy if he was even a day younger than me. I know that's a little outlandish, but I didn't like the idea of being "the older woman".

I didn't ask him about what he thinks of me now, but I'd guess that from the rest of our resulting conversations that things haven't changed a bit. So this has me wondering what things would be like if he were closer. Would we be in a relationship? Or would things get so terribly awkward between us that we'd stay friends....or worse, I'd lose him? I don't think I could live with losing another good friend....especially not after losing Heath.

Heath was a learning experience, and a rebound of sorts in many ways. It was, however, doomed from the start. We worked together, and even that has changed now. He and I basically went from texting a bunch daily to hardly speaking. Even our coworkers have noticed something's off. We've never addressed it's over, but at this point, who cares?It's not as though we're speaking, anyway. That, and he was being kind of jerk-ish anyway.

So I have a dilemma. Or....not really, since the distance between me and Rami kind of effectively answers a lot of questions.

It doesn't keep me from wondering, though....

Coco