So, I guess more updating is in order.
I reiterate this....I'm so glad I'm returning to normal. I'm searching for a full time job, and it's slow going. However, that's okay....I'm keeping positive by knowing that someday, my efforts won't go on unnoticed and someone will take a chance on me.
Even though I've been extremely stressed, I have my sister and friends (Brianne, Britt, Michelle, Hannah, Sara and Angela) to bring me back to Earth. They keep me laughing and smiling...and I know as long as I have them, nothing can stand in my way.
Another notable person in my life is a quiet pinnacle. Someone who I had pushed aside several years ago way back when, but who has now become one of my best friends. His name?
Rami.
The nature of our relationship has been the weirdest friendship ever. We had met in 2003 in chorus. He was a freshman, and I a sophomore. Rami was (and still is) this adorable, fun-loving kid that used to irritate the hell out of our teacher. For years, I thought of him as my little brother....even though he's only 9 months younger.
So, we were talking one day. Apparently he and his girlfriend went through a nasty breakup around the same time I had. We talked each other through it for hours, and eventually developed a friendship out of it. We share jokes, and even toss around ideas of hanging out when he comes to visit next time.
Oh, yeah.....by the way.....Rami is in Minnesota.
And the next thing came as an absolute shock to me.
We were chatting one day, when out of the blue, he blurts out, "I really had a thing for you in high school."
To this day, this still stuns me. Here I was, sitting at my computer after this bomb has been dropped, and I couldn't think of anything real to say. I think I said, "Awww....." in response, but that got me thinking.
My ideals from back when I was in high school have changed. Back then, I would never consider a guy if he was even a day younger than me. I know that's a little outlandish, but I didn't like the idea of being "the older woman".
I didn't ask him about what he thinks of me now, but I'd guess that from the rest of our resulting conversations that things haven't changed a bit. So this has me wondering what things would be like if he were closer. Would we be in a relationship? Or would things get so terribly awkward between us that we'd stay friends....or worse, I'd lose him? I don't think I could live with losing another good friend....especially not after losing Heath.
Heath was a learning experience, and a rebound of sorts in many ways. It was, however, doomed from the start. We worked together, and even that has changed now. He and I basically went from texting a bunch daily to hardly speaking. Even our coworkers have noticed something's off. We've never addressed it's over, but at this point, who cares?It's not as though we're speaking, anyway. That, and he was being kind of jerk-ish anyway.
So I have a dilemma. Or....not really, since the distance between me and Rami kind of effectively answers a lot of questions.
It doesn't keep me from wondering, though....
Coco
Family is the best thing a person could ever have!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Other Side of Down
I kind of forgot my password to this thing. That, and for a while there, I had lost my drive to write. Let's just say that the "old Kristen" everyone knew and loved....is back again, and ready to party.
Speaking of parties, I'm extremely excited about two things for this year:
1. My dear friends Chris and Julie's wedding at the end of May!
2. My sister and best friend, Susan Pierce, is getting married to the love of her life the first weekend in June!
First of all, I'm blessed to be invited (well, in Susan's I'm a bridesmaid) to both events. They've all played an irreplaceable part in my life....and help get me through the darkness into the light (and on the path that I am now).
On Chris and Julie:
My meeting them both is a little fuzzy, but I know this much: I would never have been breathing at times without them. They have saved my life more times than I can remember. I met Julie first in 2007 in our Biology class with Dr. Quartemus. I remember vaguely choosing to sit next to her....and then I asked her a question. She meowed at me. That was the weirdest response I have ever gotten from another human being! But, I meowed at her back. From then on, we'd meow at each other. Halfway through the semester, I suffered another setback. I had to have another surgery for my shunt.... and Julie helped me get my assignments for class. She said she went up to Dr. Q to get them and told him she was a friend of mine (and that I was in the hospital). "His response was to blink", she said, "But then he said, "The girl you meow with?"" Julie laughs and then says, "I was like, "Oh, shit, you heard us?""
I met Chris in August 2007, only a few days after my incident with another kid on campus (we all know his name by now). I was afraid of everything male. I couldn't sleep, but when I did, I'd have nightmares replaying the incident. I was placed on several different drugs to help deal with the pain/insomnia/depression, but some things you can't fix with pills. Anyway, Chris came up to me in the crowded Suite Center and hugged me. He said I "stiffened up like a board, and that everyone in the room was giving him the "eat shit and die" look." He was the first guy I had ever relaxed enough around and let him hug me. It was weird at first, considering I was scared and I had no idea who he was, but eventually I learned that he was Julie's boyfriend. He's now one of the sweetest, most protective people I know. Together, they've been through a lot of my health issues (one involved me stripping.....although I swear I don't remember this!) and I've helped them deal with various issues of theirs. They're my brother and sister. They gave me a great gift.....a family. I know I had a family to begin with, but they couldn't always be there or understand what I was going through. Sometimes, I just needed someone to listen and not judge me. And they've done that. I'm excited for this new chapter in their lives.
On Susan:
Susan is really the first friend I've ever had. She's known me since I was born. Her older sister and my sister are best friends, and when I was born, Susan got someone to play with. She and I share a love of dance and animals. We have attended numerous dance recitals that each other were in. Her parents are mine and my sister's adopted parents, and vice versa. One of my favorite memories of us was when we all were together (Maggie, Susan, Michelle and I) and we'd play dress up using the box of clothes that were in the attic. We used to play things like, "doctor" and Susan and I would often play with the dollhouses her parents had made for them. Because I loved it so much, mom and dad eventually made one for me as well. We take care of each other. I'm glad to be a part of this new chapter in her life as well. Susan is very sweet and deserving of every good thing she's ever gotten. I know that if I ever needed anything, I could always call up not only my biological sister, but Susan as well.
So many positives in my life, and so many blessings! It's been a long, hard road for me, but things are getting better!
Love to you all,
Coco
Speaking of parties, I'm extremely excited about two things for this year:
1. My dear friends Chris and Julie's wedding at the end of May!
2. My sister and best friend, Susan Pierce, is getting married to the love of her life the first weekend in June!
First of all, I'm blessed to be invited (well, in Susan's I'm a bridesmaid) to both events. They've all played an irreplaceable part in my life....and help get me through the darkness into the light (and on the path that I am now).
On Chris and Julie:
My meeting them both is a little fuzzy, but I know this much: I would never have been breathing at times without them. They have saved my life more times than I can remember. I met Julie first in 2007 in our Biology class with Dr. Quartemus. I remember vaguely choosing to sit next to her....and then I asked her a question. She meowed at me. That was the weirdest response I have ever gotten from another human being! But, I meowed at her back. From then on, we'd meow at each other. Halfway through the semester, I suffered another setback. I had to have another surgery for my shunt.... and Julie helped me get my assignments for class. She said she went up to Dr. Q to get them and told him she was a friend of mine (and that I was in the hospital). "His response was to blink", she said, "But then he said, "The girl you meow with?"" Julie laughs and then says, "I was like, "Oh, shit, you heard us?""
I met Chris in August 2007, only a few days after my incident with another kid on campus (we all know his name by now). I was afraid of everything male. I couldn't sleep, but when I did, I'd have nightmares replaying the incident. I was placed on several different drugs to help deal with the pain/insomnia/depression, but some things you can't fix with pills. Anyway, Chris came up to me in the crowded Suite Center and hugged me. He said I "stiffened up like a board, and that everyone in the room was giving him the "eat shit and die" look." He was the first guy I had ever relaxed enough around and let him hug me. It was weird at first, considering I was scared and I had no idea who he was, but eventually I learned that he was Julie's boyfriend. He's now one of the sweetest, most protective people I know. Together, they've been through a lot of my health issues (one involved me stripping.....although I swear I don't remember this!) and I've helped them deal with various issues of theirs. They're my brother and sister. They gave me a great gift.....a family. I know I had a family to begin with, but they couldn't always be there or understand what I was going through. Sometimes, I just needed someone to listen and not judge me. And they've done that. I'm excited for this new chapter in their lives.
On Susan:
Susan is really the first friend I've ever had. She's known me since I was born. Her older sister and my sister are best friends, and when I was born, Susan got someone to play with. She and I share a love of dance and animals. We have attended numerous dance recitals that each other were in. Her parents are mine and my sister's adopted parents, and vice versa. One of my favorite memories of us was when we all were together (Maggie, Susan, Michelle and I) and we'd play dress up using the box of clothes that were in the attic. We used to play things like, "doctor" and Susan and I would often play with the dollhouses her parents had made for them. Because I loved it so much, mom and dad eventually made one for me as well. We take care of each other. I'm glad to be a part of this new chapter in her life as well. Susan is very sweet and deserving of every good thing she's ever gotten. I know that if I ever needed anything, I could always call up not only my biological sister, but Susan as well.
So many positives in my life, and so many blessings! It's been a long, hard road for me, but things are getting better!
Love to you all,
Coco
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