6 Months.....And Counting!

Okay, I'm getting to be a terrible blogger.

Since my last post, not much has happened with me except for the fact that I've been going to work each day and coming home. That, and I usually frequent Dunwoody, where Chan and his sister (and some of our friends) live.

I've been an emotional rollercoaster lately. Most of the time, I don't really have a lot of people around to talk to. Chan's been trying to help me with that, honestly. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings (especially those that pertain to him), so lately we've been arguing. I'm frustrated. I can't seem to get used to the fact that a guy actually wants to pay attention to me. In the past, I've been with a bunch of guys who just never cared.

Hence my irritation. I'm not used to having someone actually give a crap about why I'm in a depressive state, or in a very angry one. I'm used to getting really pissed with one person (and then having that person follow me around the house, yelling at me and feeding off my anger, which in turn makes me more angry that he's mad and following me......and it turns into this long, exhausting, vicious cycle.

My frustrations center around Chan lately. We've been having issues communicating. We both are of the single mindset where we bottle everything up until something triggers an explosion, which usually ends up hurting the ones we love the most. My irritation with Chan lately has been centered around the fact that we're both being hypocrites.

We're working on working it out, though, because we've both realized that what we have is rare and we both want this to be a good thing, and for us to grow as a couple.

That being said, I have a lot of insecurities about relationships. Mine have been less than stellar. I'm working on trying to learn from my mistakes in my other relationships while trying to not repeat them with Chan. We are celebrating our 6 month anniversary today (can you believe it? I know I can't!) and we're going on a mini roadtrip to see some friends of ours for a party at their apartment to celebrate their graduating from college.

Part of my problem with my relationship: I'm having to be integrated into a very close knit family. My own isn't really all that affectionate. My sister is married and has her own life, so I hardly ever see her (that, and she's 7 and 1/2 years older than me....although all of this stuff I'm saying isn't meant to be negative), and my dad is working through his own problems and has Connie, his fiance'. I'm usually on my own in dealing with stuff, because I can't exactly talk to them due to their busy schedules.

Then there's Chan's family. His sister is very sweet, and is a little younger than me. She understands where I'm coming from with my emotions (usually regarding her brother) and is willing to listen. Their mom is pretty cool as well. She's very sweet and has been very accepting of me. Their dad I don't know very well, but he seems nice when I see him. The whole family is very affectionate with one another and that's what's taking me some getting used to. That, and the fact that I'm still sometimes sore about my mother's death doesn't help either. Especially since his mom is so sweet.

It kind of messes me up because I have purposefully filed memories of my mom away in a corner of my heart. Being around his mom kind of makes me realize what I'm missing from my life (my mother was the staple of our family) and it's kind of making me replay old memories and I often go into a state of distress.

Acceptance is key....and I've got to learn to continue to move on.

Work has also not been very kind lately. I've been severely cut back at work, so I'm not making as much money as I'm used to. They are not being as civil as they used to be. We're slower now because we don't have that many appointments rolling in, so the stress from that is totally killing the atmosphere. We had a change in management recently and the new practice manager (even though I'm really trying to stay out of her way/be nice to her at all times/help out and go beyond my job description) and I aren't getting along. She's also head technician, so I realize she's under a lot of stress as well.

Chan's been trying to get me to get a job closer to Dunwoody so it would be easier for me to visit and maybe would help to keep my stress level as low as possible. With all of these new changes that we want to start making, I'm getting very stressed/depressed. I've realized that my job doesn't really make me happy anymore. I mean, I still love my animals, but what I really don't like is the hostile environment. It puts a lot of stress on the workers, and then NO ONE is happy.

I've been antisocial as well. I don't have a lot of energry lately because work zaps most everything I have out of me, and I don't really want to deal with anyone's craziness or bullshit. Chan is really enough of "craziness" I can handle on a good day. It's nothing personal, but I'm trying to work to change that behavior. It'll make Chan happier, but it'll also benefit me too.....because I'd like to have some new friends, maybe even a change of scenery.

Well, it's late. More later.

The Lake House

Okay, so once again, I am terrible at remembering to update this thing.

This past week was spent with Chan and Ena (as well as some of the most fabulous friends we have) at our friend Matt's lake house.

All I have to say is, wow....

Our vacation began last Saturday. It was Chan's Spring Break, so we were all excited to get away for a nice vacation. I had gotten the time off of work (and the permission to go from Dad, thanks to Chan and Ena for their help) so we went on our merry way.

Sunday, we ate out at Zaxby's. On Tuesday, we received word that this had happened:

Yep, that's right. That's the Zaxby's we had eaten at barely 36 hours later. Apparently, the whole thing caught on fire Monday night. As far as we know, no one was harmed. However, it left all of us craving Zaxby's.....and cherishing our new limited edition Zax Sauce.

The entire vacation, I haven't had a day go by without hearing from work. Apparently, everyone made a mess in their cage the night before (from Kim on Saturday through Wednesday) medicines were never filled/were missing (from Stasi on Thursday) and then a family member went into labor and could I come home and work.... (from Stasi Thursday through today)?

Meh. Thank God for Chan, who kept me laughing and mostly calm and collected. And for Matt, whose crazy antics kept me laughing the entire trip.

Anyway, not much else to report....other than THE LAKE HOUSE WAS AWESOME!!!!

BAZINGA!

Of Craziness And Friends.....

I have the best friends ever.

Literally, when I'm in a bad mood, they help me keep my chin up. For those that don't know me very well, I have a very dark personality with an even darker sense of humor. I sometimes identify myself with the pessimist Meredith Grey on Grey's Anatomy, except for the fact that I didn't sleep with most of the town of Boston. Like Meredith, I am an eternal pessimist. My friends have often said that I'm "dark and twisty". I love Edgar Allan Poe, one of the darkest poets who ever lived, who did nothing but drink and write creepy poems about the death of his wife and family.

Anyway...

I spent some time with Chan, his sister Ena, and Chan's friend Kenan tonight. I was very tired after a long day at work (that REFUSED to end!) and was unwilling to put up with anyone's BS. Chan called, and wanted me to come over and spend some time with him, saying his friend was coming too. I was under the impression that it was just going to be the 3 of us, but then Ena came along, which evened the ratio of girls/boys.

Ena's awesome. She never fails to make me laugh, and watching her interact with Chan sometimes can be far more entertaining to me than Discovery Channel's Shark Week. I guess that's what you get when you have siblings so close in age, as well as being so close emotionally as well. I'm not saying that my sister and I aren't close (because we are) but we're not AS close in comparison to Chan and Ena. I guess I've never had any of my friends REALLY be close to theur siblings, so this is all new to me.

And I guess I should point out a fatal flaw: I'm not used to having a guy who is so into me. I've always been with guys who were more into themselves. They never showed me one ounce of affection. So with Chan, I feel a little awkward. I talked to Ena (while Chan was off doing something) about it, and found a common ground with her on the subject. She knows I love her brother very much, but at least she knows I'm a little unnerved at times by how much her brother feels for me.It helps to talk to her to sort out some of the things I think about in my head. She's also very easy to joke around with, and isn't easy to offend.

Chan and I (along with Ena and Kenan) went to Walmart to look at some Nerf swords for a video Chan wants to shoot with his best friend, Matt. Chan and Ena were going through the swords and playing with them, even dueling! It was rather amusing. She bought a bubble wand and was running throughout the parking lot making bubbles, and it reminded me of the past I had forgotten, of my innocence and youth.

Good times.

Im Old on Valentine's Day

Okay, I guess I should really fill in the blanks for the last few days.

Valentine's Day: Chan had to work , so I went and spent the day with my very good friend, Angela. She and I used to work together at the first veterinary clinic I ever worked for, and we bonded and have stayed friends even though I left 4 years ago. We had a good day shopping together. She and I went to the Mall of Georgia to look for something nice to wear (as Chan was going to take me out to dinner that night). We'd shopped several different places and tried on a million different things. My dress ended up being a strapless gold one, completed with gold jewelry to match. That, and as soon as I got home, I curled my hair via curlers to make my hair a mountain of curls.

The things I do for this man of mine, I swear....

He took me to J Alexander's for dinner, which was very nice. We shared a steak and mashed potatoes (we had tried to substitute the mashed potatoes for Mac 'N Cheese, but they were out), and then we went to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. It was a really entertaining movie, really. Chan brought along my birthday gift as well (as we didn't know yet whether we'd be able to be together on my birthday) even though I told him NO gifts on Valentine's Day...... clever one found a loophole. I'm glad he did, because the amethyst necklace is gorgeous!

After that, comes my birthday, on February 17 (yesterday).

I'm officially old. I'm no longer 21. Anyway, I had to get up early to go to the bank and deposit my paycheck (so I'd have money to go and pay my tag on my car) and then drive after that to the tag office. That really wasn't much of a hassle. I then spent the rest of the morning cleaning my room in preparation for Chan's arrival. He arrived early, and we went to the Mall of Georgia for lunch, and then drove to Gwinnett Place Mall so that I could get my hair done. Sure, I made Chan wait, but he was easily entertained with his iPhone. Thank you, Apple. Really. You have saved my ass again.

After that, we went home for dinner (where I changed clothes and we (Dad, his fiancee Connie, Chan and myself) went out for dinner at Applebee's). The food was pretty good, but the wait was awful. Oh well. We went home afterward and ate my birthday cake that Dad bought (way to go, no chocolate on chocolate ensemble this year!) and I opened my presents, Chan helped Connie out with her laptop's issues, and then he and I went upstairs to be entertained watching South Park on my laptop. All in all, it was a good day. I'm glad Chan was here to keep me sane. I am a little concerned though, since he was feeling a little odd throughout the day. I hope he's better now, but we'll see...

Hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day, and has a good rest of the week!

Much love!

I Must Be The Weirdest Person Ever...

Wanna know why?

I hate snow. Like, with the fire of a thousand suns. This hatred has been borne of only ten years, beginning with the ice storms we had the year my sister went away for college, to present.

I'm not tolerant of extreme temperatures (which to me is anything above 80 degrees or below 75). I'm known to many of my friends as the chihuahua, because I'm always shaking and complaining it's cold. But that's not the only reason why I hate snow...

I don't like being wet, either. Snow is a huge pain in the rear when it melts. Yes, I know it's just frozen water, but I'm not a huge fan of being hit in the face with it. Or have it somehow get underneath my clothes and run in little rivulets down my body as it melts.

I was out cleaning the yard of debris when the snow flurries came. I don't know exactly what time it was when it all started, but I'm guessing that it began somewhere around 1:30. I went inside to help my boss with something that she needed, and then came out again an hour later to find our two guard dogs, Annie (a rottweiler) and Kody (a mix) shivering and covered in snow.

Dogs are so funny when they see snow. I guess because Georgia doesn't see a lot of the stuff, the dogs seem more amusing to me. They're cautious and love to sniff around, even try to sample some of the stuff.

But I digress, yet again. We were supposed to stay open until 6 as planned, but as the weather took a turn for the worse and the roads started freezing over, we all scrambled to get our work done and make the trek to our respective houses. I ended up leaving my car at the clinic, though, as Dad deemed it too dangerous for me to drive and came and got me.

And now, the main reason I've decided to hate snow:

It probably has ruined my Valentine's Day plans with my boyfriend.

He has to work the morning shift at Chang's anyway, but we had plans for me to drive up there, we'd go to dinner and a movie, and hang out for a while. Very simple, just like I wanted. However, now that there's this whole snow fiasco, I might not get to go because Dad won't let me. I know he just cares about my safety and all, but I'm just upset because I don't get to see Chan that often as I used to.

This snowstorm BS needs to end. PRONTO.

I'm So Excited.....And I Just Can't Hide It....

Yeah, I know the title of this particular entry is a little lame, but bear with me.

Yesterday, while I was at work cleaning the kennels out and feeding/walking the dogs, my friend from Nebraska called.

Okay, on a side note, I should mention the nature of our relationship. From the beginning, she was my German teacher in high school. Soon, though, we developed a friendship, and she took care of me when my mom was really sick. She was a good support system to have around (and still is). Suddenly, her sister (who she lives with, along with her entire family) got a new job in Nebraska, and she moved away in 2005. I haven't seen her since. We have kept in touch with emails and the occasional phone calls, though.

I usually drop everything when she does call. The time before yesterday that she called, I was also at work. Her sister was in Gainesville, GA on another one of her job interviews. She'd been looking for another job for a while now, and had been to Georgia on an interview with Piedmont Hospital awhile back (she didn't get that job). That particular time, she has called to tell me her sister was looking for a job in Gainesville, GA or another somewhere in Texas. We had learned very early to never hope for her return to Georgia. We'd been hoping for years.

Anyway, this particular call yesterday was very short, and I could barely hear her over the din of the barking dogs. However, the end result brightened my day considerably: Her sister accepted the job in Gainesville, and that my friend will be back in Georgia at the end of the school year in Nebraska!

I've been doing a happy dance ever since I got that phone call, I swear.

Here We Go Again....

Okay, so this week has been pretty insane.

Work drama has been keeping me pretty occupied. For one, my boss is on vacation for the week. Every time she does decide to go on vacation, all Hell breaks loose. This time, it happened in the form of one of my coworkers quitting.

Well, to put it plainly....she left. Or, she never showed up. Freaking out because she was an hour late for her shift, our receptionist called in a panic to see where she was.

"I quit," she said. "I'm tired of all the drama and BS."

Our receptionist then proceeds to call me (who was sleeping at the time) telling me that she needed me to come in because our coworker quit and she herself had been by herself for the last hour. Begrudgingly, I rolled out of bed, dressed in my clothes, and came in to work.

I don't mind working if coworkers can't come in until later or are sick. I need the hours, and I like my boss. However, this next part really grinds my gears:

Yesterday, my coworker who quit called. She let out all of the pain and anguish she had been feeling against two of our mutual coworkers (who were in the same position as my coworker).

"They hate you," she said ("You", meaning me).

The whole time I've been working at this place, I've never said a word against anyone. I've taken criticism with a grain of salt. They've treated me worse than dog poop. I've been nothing but nice to everyone, helping out when they need it.

So I guess I don't understand where I went wrong.

Apparently, the entire time I've been there, two of my coworkers have done nothing but complain about me. I'm not sure why (because I get my work done and stay out of their way).

One of my coworkers thinks she's God, and that she's perfect and doesn't need any help. This particular coworker tends to be a bit of a drama queen and loves to start fights.

My friend who quit says of this particular coworker: "She's been talking poorly about you the entire time."

"What did she say?" I ask, already beginning to feel sick inside.

"She says she "hates that f$%^&*g b@#$h" and that she's f$%^&*g retarded because she doesn't know how to do anything (anything regarding HER job)."

"It's her own fault," I say. "I've asked to be trained to help out, even gone above her head to ask our boss to tell everyone to teach me some (which she agreed to).....but there's a big roadblock. Obviously, it's that one particular person that's stopping me.

I don't know what her deal is. I'm not after her job. I'm not saying she's terrible at her job, either. So next week, when my boss comes back from vacation, I'm just going to let it all out on the table about things that have been going on.

I'm not expecting anything to come of it, though. At least nothing good, anyway. The last time I said something against her to my boss about unethical treatment, she cornered me in the yard and yelled at me about how I was a liar, that she treats me just fine. Whatever. I don't enjoy a hostile work environment. I know that you're probably not going to get along with everyone you work with, but jesus...to throw a fit because someone you've been blaming things on and trying to get her fired finally stood up for herself, took action into her own hands, and went to HER boss to complain back, is childish and unethical.

I don't even know why I'm still working there, honestly. Nothing good is ever going to come of it. I'm never going to start being trained how to do things to help out or be treated with respect anyway.

At least I have Chan, though. He and I went to dinner at Longhorn's after I cried out my frustration. We shared a steak, Ceasar salad, baked potato, buffalo wings for an appetizer, and a Chocolate Stampede for dessert. It was pure heaven. After that, we went back to my house to watch The Big Bang Theory while we cuddled on the couch. When I'm having a bad day, I can always count on Chan to be there for me 100% and try to cheer me up. He makes me feel strong when I am weak, and worthwhile when feeling worthless. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been a Godsend.

Anyway, enough ranting for now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!